


Dean Winchester's Gay Panic

by dontbelasagnax



Series: It's Been 29 Years Coming 'verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Gay Panic, M/M, Timestamp, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbelasagnax/pseuds/dontbelasagnax
Summary: Alternatively titled"Dean Winchester has the Queer Experience"~•~◇~•~Excerpt:"I've never been straight!"Cas blinked. "...That's generally how it works, yes.""I've been attracted to guys my whole life and never noticed!""Ah, yes." Cas licked his thumb and flipped a page. "That can happen sometimes."~•~◇~•~Timestamp forIt's Been 29 Years Coming
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: It's Been 29 Years Coming 'verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466629
Comments: 18
Kudos: 133





	Dean Winchester's Gay Panic

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun writing this (especially the beginning)! Enjoy! ❤
> 
> This is set after the events of [It's Been 29 Years Coming](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14629287). You could definitely read this if you haven't read It's Been 29 Years Coming, but some parts wouldn't make much sense.

Dean lied awake in bed. He loved Cas, he really did...but he hadn't taken the time to think about what that said about him. About his sexuality. He hadn't _allowed_ himself to. All he knew was that he was definitely not straight; if the way Cas made him feel was anything to go by. 

He knew he wasn't _fully_ gay. That probably wasn't the best way to phrase it, but he still was attracted to women. The other day he pulled out his hidden stash of Busty Asian Beauties, just to see if it still got his engine going, and _yep_. 

But he still didn't know what ground he stood on with men. Sure he'd had a man crush on various celebrities, like Harrison Ford, but that was just exercising non toxic masculinity. Straight people were allowed to admit that people of the same sex were hot, right? 

Ugh, he was just confusing himself even more. Maybe he could...Charlie! She would have all the answers. Dean grabbed his phone from his nightstand and sent a text. 

**Dean [12:47 am] can we meet up tomorrow?**

**Dean [12:47 am] i need to talk to you about something**

**Queen of Moons [12:50 am] yeah for sure!**

**Queen of Moons [12:51 am] is it anything serious?**

**Dean [12:53 am] yeah? no? kinda?**

**Queen of Moons [12:54 am] i guess we'll find out tomorrow lol**

**Queen of Moons [12:54 am] nighty night dean bean <333**

**Dean [12:56 am] night charlie <3**

Dean shut off his phone and put it back on the nightstand. He pulled his covers up and, to no avail, tried to stop overthinking his identity. He supposed he could ask Cas about it, but it just felt too personal. Not that it was too personal of a thing to talk to Cas about, God no, just that it would be more _intimate_ with Cas. Charlie always had a way of keeping stuff fairly casual. He would talk to Cas about it at some point, probably after he'd figured things out a bit more. 

"Dean? I thought you were sleeping?" Dean startled. He looked at Cas in the doorway, backlit by the light in the hallway. 

"Tried." 

"You can't sleep? Why's that?" 

Ah, the thing that kickstarted his whole-ass identity crisis. Dean flushed and murmured, "Can't sleep without you."

Cas gave him an incredibly soft look that practically oozed affection and slid under the covers beside him. 

Dean easily drifted off with Cas' body heat enveloping him, crisis forgotten for the moment. 

~•~◇~•~

Dean pet the owl plush Charlie pushed into his hands the moment she sat him down on her couch. 

"So, what's up?" she asked. 

"...Y'know I'm into Cas, right?"

"Understatement of the century!"

"Well yeah, but, uh. I've been wondering. I mean. I'm not straight."

"Uh huh."

"But I'm not gay because-"

"Yeah, girls. I got you."

"So…" He chewed on his bottom lip. "What am I?" 

"If I'm understanding you correctly, you want to find out what your sexual identity is?"

"Yeah." 

"Okay, so, there's two that first come to mind that I think you _might_ identify as."

"Uh huh." He fiddled with the bird's wings.

"I think you could be pansexual or bisexual. Pansexuals feel romantic and sexual attraction regardless of gender." 

Dean wasn't sure if that described how he felt. 

Charlie took one look at him and held up her index finger. "Hold on. Bisexuals can feel romantic and sexual attraction for a person of any gender. Some bisexuals have a preference for a certain gender, but that doesn't mean they don't feel attraction to any other gender."

How did he forget about bisexuality? It even sounded way more accurate, especially the preference part.

Charlie put a hand on his shoulder."Dean?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You should probably think this over some more. Think about your past experiences with women…and with men. Think about how the label feels. Think about if you even _want_ a label." 

He nodded. "Okay. Yeah, I can do that."

She smiled and opened her arms. "C'mere, you big teddy bear." 

~•~◇~•~

Dean didn't really have much experience with guys. He did make out with Gabriel once, but Dean was never attracted to him and they were both so drunk that it was just a funny experience.

Maybe as a teen he really, _really_ wanted to be Han Solo, to the point where he'd stare at a picture of Harrison Ford until he salivated. _Oh_ _shit_. That was not very straight of him. 

Perhaps he also found himself checking out guys from time to time, imagining rippling muscles under their clothes. That was also...not very straight.

How did he never notice any of those signs before?

Dean groaned. 

Next to Dean on the sofa, Cas looked up from grading papers. "I see marking isn't going-"

"I've never been straight!"

Cas blinked. "...That's generally how it works, yes."

"I've been attracted to guys my whole life and never noticed!" 

"Ah, yes." Cas licked his thumb and flipped a page. "That can happen sometimes." 

"You're not helping!" 

Cas set down his pen and squinted at him. "Dean Winchester, are you having a gay panic?" Dean wasn't sure if that was what he was going through. It was definitely a sexual identity crisis. Somehow Cas' eyes got even squint-ier. "We've been dating for five months."

Dean blurted out, "I think I might be bisexual."

"Oh. Okay. Thank you for trusting me with that information. " Cas picked his pen up and went back to work. 

"That's it?" 

"Yes?"

"You don't have anything else to say…?" 

"No. Did you _want_ me to say anything else?" 

"I don't know. Maybe." 

Cas took off his reading glasses and pushed his work to the side. He turned to Dean and took his hand. "Sweetheart, I will love and support you no matter what you identify as. I can't tell you what your sexual identity is, but I can tell you that I know you will find something that feels right; whether that means you are bisexual, queer, or choose not to use a label. I know you will find something right in the end."

"Thanks, Cas," Dean choked out. 

Cas smiled and kissed him. 

It was just a quick peck on the lips but Dean's heart soared. _You sappy fuck_ , Dean thought, smiling.

~•~◇~•~

As the weeks went by, Dean got more comfortable thinking of himself as bisexual. He just hadn't said it out loud yet.

He stood in front of the bathroom mirror, hands clenched. "Pshhhh, you can do this. It's just a sentence. Say it." He took a deep breath. His heart beat wildly. "I'm bisexual." It sounded foreign to his ears; somewhere in the realm of scary. "I'm bisexual," he repeated. He felt slightly better. "I'm bisexual." 

~•~◇~•~

"Cas," Dean whispered. He ran his foot over Cas' legs under the covers and squeezed his middle. "Cas." The man shifted restlessly, seeming to wake.

Cas blinked open his eyes. "Hmmbluhg, Dea-?" 

"Cas."

Cas took one look at the digital alarm clock and groaned. "What the fuck do you want." 

"Cas."

"Yes. That's my name," he grumbled. 

"I'm bisexual." 

"Congratulations. Go the fuck back to sleep."

Dean grinned. "I love you."

"Shh." Cas proceeded to wrap his limbs around Dean, not dissimilar to an octopus, and passed out. Dean couldn't be happier. 

~•~◇~•~

Dean was backing into his spot in the school parking lot (it wasn't really his spot, he just liked to think it was), some months later, when he brought it up. "I think I'm ready to start coming out to people." 

Cas, who sat on the front bench next to Dean, gave Dean his undivided attention. "Are you sure?"

"Kinda? Yeah. I just feel...ready. Like it's time. I want people to know." 

Cas smiled and placed his hand over Dean's on the steering wheel. "Okay. I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

~•~◇~•~

He cornered Charlie in her classroom that day and told her. She gave him a well meaning, but awfully bony hug. 

~•~◇~•~

"We're pretending it's just a normal double date, right?" Dean asked, anxiously pulling at the cufflinks on his button up.

"Yes, Dean," Cas said while sitting on the bed, tying his shoes.

"Nothing's different. Everything's normal." Reverse psychology would work, right? 

Cas, who just finished his second bowknot, sighed. "Nothing's different and everything _is_ normal, love." 

"Uh huh, _sure_. Except I'm coming out to Sammy tonight." 

"Nothing has fundamentally changed. You're the same exact person, just with some new realizations about yourself you'd like to share." Cas walked up behind Dean and placed his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders. 

"Sure as hell doesn't friggin' feel like that." 

"Dean, it's Sam and Jessica; you could not have two more accepting individuals to call family."

Dean grabbed Cas' hand and planted a big ol' smooch on it. "I have you." 

Cas blushed. "Flirt." 

~•~◇~•~

Sitting across from Sam and Jess at their dining room table, Cas started the conversation. "Dean wanted to share something with you this evening. It's not a-"

"I'm bisexual."

Sam glanced back and forth at Dean and Cas. "Is this new news, or..?"

Jess slapped Sam's shoulder. "Thank you for telling us, Dean. We're so glad you felt comfortable enough to tell us." She turned to Sam, smile expecting and sharp. "Right, _Samuel_?"

"Uh, yeah! Thanks for telling us!"

Dean shared a look with Cas that loosely translated to, " _What the fuck_ ". 

Dean cleared his throat. "This, uh, chicken looks really good."

~•~◇~•~

**_Anna, Jo, Gabe, Claire, Jody, Alex added to Group Chat_ **

**Dean [4:35 pm] this is random but ive been coming out to people so surprise im bisexual**

**Gabe [4:40 pm] Wow**

**Gabe [4:40 pm] That has be both the most casual and most awkward coming out I've ever witnessed**

**Gabe [4:41 pm] Welcome to the gay club! if you banging my brother wasn't gay enough already!**

**_Gabe removed from Group Chat_ **

**Anna [4:43 pm] ...I'll have words with him later.**

**Anna [4:43 pm] My best for you, Dean!**

**Jody [4:45 pm] Aw, Dean! I'm so happy for you!**

**Claire [4:46 pm] so this is why my phone is blowing up**

**Claire [4:47 pm] oh yee nice dean**

**Jo [4:50 pm] Sweet, dude**

**Alex [4:54 pm] Woah I'm late**

**Alex [4:56 pm] Congrats Dean!**

**Dean [5:01 pm] thanks everybody**

**Dean [5:04 pm] hey jo, can you tell ur mom and bobby im dropping by tmrw?**

~•~◇~•~

Cas was sitting against the headboard, reading, when Dean came into the bedroom. He took off his glasses and closed his book. "How did the call go with Mary?" 

Dean lied flat on his back on the bed and sighed. "Good. Really good." He rolled onto his side, to see Cas. "That was it. I've come out to everyone." 

"What about John?"

"I've come out to everyone that _matters_. That fucker doesn't deserve to know what's going on in my life." 

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair. "Alright, love." He brushed a few strands off Dean's forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Weightless? Free? Happy? Yeah, happy." Dean took Cas' hand and kissed his palm. "Definitely happy."

In the crappy lighting of their bedroom, Dean and Cas smiled at one another like the lovesick fools they were. 

Dean's coming out didn't turn out _perfect_ , but he couldn't be mad about it if it meant it turned out like _this._

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudo and a comment if you enjoyed this! I swear even just an emoji will brighten my day! Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> If you want to see more of this 'verse, go ahead and subscribe to the series [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466629)
> 
> [Scream at me on tumblr!](https://dontbelasagnax.tumblr.com)


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